Every Episode Of ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’ Ranked

50. Johnny and Dora
Season 2, Episode 23

Fun fact, this episode officially establishes the continued use of “Blank and Blank” episode titles for the season finales starting with “Charges and Specs” all the way through “Jake and Amy”. It also officially establishes the show’s affection for cliffhanger endings and this one packs a wallop. Not only does the ever steely Kyra Sedgwick’s Chief Wuntch force out Holt from the Nine-Nine, leading to an emotionally heartbreaking goodbye from Andre Braugher (who really deserves ALL OF THE COMEDY AWARDS for his performance in this show), but we have Jake and Amy share their first “real” kiss after a series of staged kisses while on a case. Maybe I’m a big ol’ softie, but their embrace is incredibly moving as they lean on each other as they await their new leadership. The squad stands in front of the elevators, waiting with bated breath to find out who the new Captain will be. And we had to then hold our breath as the episode cuts before the doors open. It’s great layered storytelling and an emotional punch that solidifies exactly why this show continues to get better with age.

49. Valloweaster
Season 7, Episode 11

I appreciate that Nine-Nine shows their aware that they can’t do proper holiday episodes anymore by making that, in some ways, the plot point of this holiday episode. The squad continually tries to hold their annual Halloween Heist, but between Holt’s dog Cheddar and Scully both accidentally swallowing the gems they’re attempting to steal, they have to postpone again and again. While I love the Russian knock off Infinity Gauntlet at the center of the heist (“The Infinitude Gobbler worn by Thabu in The Avengerboys”), what I also find interesting about the episode is that it begins from the perspective of two cops on the outer circle of our main squad and their shenanigans. This is a series first, and I find that it opens up the world of Brooklyn Nine-Nine just a little bit to potentially make way for not only new cast members, but even more stories focused on the precinct that operates around this rascally group.

48. The Golden Child
Season 6, Episode 9

Who loves Brooklyn Nine-Nine? Lin-Manuel Miranda, creator of Hamilton, loves Brooklyn Nine-Nine. So much so that he was written into the show as one of Amy Santiago’s many brothers, David. And David, much like his real world counterpart, is special because he can do no wrong, much to Amy’s chagrin. That is until he’s arrested for possession of a large amount of cocaine. Was he set up? Will Amy finally get her picture above her bro on the family’s mantle? Will they have a very awkward dance battle? The answers to these questions may be obvious, but they do make up many of the reasons this episode is so much fun. We can only hope that Miranda comes back to play in the Brooklyn sandbox soon.

47. Coral Palms: Part 1
Season 4, Episode 1

In crafting and assembling this list, I jumped around where and how I wrote each individual blurb. Some days I started towards the end and worked backward, and other days vice versa. But as I whittled the entries down I found myself skipping over this massive three-parter. With three individual episodes forming one grand story, I wanted to focus on it as a whole. While only clocking in at a little over an hour, Coral Palms is the closest glimpse to what a Brooklyn Nine-Nine movie could look like. We have an exotic location. Sure it’s Florida, but that place sounds insane in a bad way. The whole squad is involved, and we even take down the season arc villain Jimmy The Butcher Figgis played by the ever-reliable movie star smarm Eric Roberts! While The Melanie Hawkins Saga may technically be a better-focused arc, Coral Palms is the only official three-part episode we’ve gotten thus far.

Part One introduces us to what Jake and Holt’s life look like in Witness Protection as Greg and Larry. They have a hilariously deadpan handler in Maya Rudolph who seems to relish in forcing these milquetoast lives on the duo, but especially Jake. Anyone can like ‘Die Hard’ he declares, despite Larry’s favorite movie being Bridget Jones Diary? Holt has taken a job at The Fun Zone, an on brand Florida go-kart/mini golf/arcade, run by a fellow Lonely Islander Jorma Taccone. After Holt discovers Jake continues to work on their case, and Jake gets a job at The Fun Zone to spite Holt, they both are recorded getting hit by go-karts. Fearing the video goes viral, they bribe the woman who filmed it, only for that to go south. But it’s exactly the thrill of this set up that reignites Holt’s fire after feeling defeated in Witness Protection. The duo band together to bring down The Butcher by bringing him, to them. Hell of a premise for a movie, and a hell of a first episode in this threepeat.

46. A Tale of Two Bandits
Season 6, Episode 5

The Pontiac Bandit is back! But this time Doug Judy isn’t responsible for a string of stolen cars, so with Jake’s help the Heat-inspired cop and criminal duo team up to discover who is framing him. The genuine chemistry between Craig Robinson and Andy Samberg are the reasons to love each Pontiac Bandit episode, so how could we possibly like them more? By throwing Nicole Byer into the mix as the Bandit’s sister, Trudy Judy. As the episode reveals, Trudy gives the duo a common enemy, finally allowing them to fully embrace their bromance without the steely divide between cop and criminal. Brooklyn Nine-Nine writers, if you’re listening, please give us more Nicole Byer!

45. The Box
Season 5, Episode 14

I love bottle episodes, and when they are as tightly wound and leaves you guessing like the appropriately titled ‘The Box’, you know it’s done its job. With ‘The Box’, not only do we get Sterling K Brown in top form, but we have Jake and Holt sparring in a comedic duet. One-upping and laying the jokes and traps out for the perp to fall in too in front of our eyes. While I don’t think the end of the episode will come as much of a shock, it’s quite a surprise just how they get there. We rarely see Jake and Holt get to relish in what they love: solving a crime. And their passion is palpable.

44. 9 Days
Season 3, Episode 12

I’m a big fan of Body Horror films from the likes of Brian Yuzna to David Cronenberg, so naturally, I’m a sucker for the giant goiters that infirm both Jake and Holt and especially the fact that they name these growing ailments. But what I also love about the episode is its premise. Jake recognizes that Holt is feeling lonely with Kevin being away from the city, so he intentionally asks his help to solve one of Holts older cases, to keep his mind off of his troubles. This is something he learned in season two’s “Windbreaker City” when his relationship with Sophia ended. It purposefully shows his maturity without attempting to make a point out of it. This is just who Jake is now. And the show is so much better for it.

43. Chasing Amy
Season 4, Episode 18

Amy is stressed to the point of no return for her Sergeants exam and goes AWOL, leaving Jake and Rosa left to track her down mere hours before she’s to take the test. It’s a really lovely episode to see Jake care so much about Amy. For a character that was started so egotistical to be so giving I think is a testament to the show. Even more importantly, this shift isn’t a plot point. They don’t go out of their way to say “Look, Jake’s a better man!”. He just is…which is what a lot of men need to realize. You don’t get a gold star for doing good things, you become a good man by doing it without expecting recompense. Jake does this because he loves Amy, not because he has ulterior motives.

42. Skyfire Cycle
Season 4, Episode 8

‘Skyfire Cycle’, aside from introducing us to Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s Game Of Thrones inspired books that Terry and eventually Jake are in love with, what really cements this episodes ranking is the cold open and Charles Boyle’s Dianne Wiest joke. I can only describe it as cinematic physical comedy. Each zoom into Jake and Boyle’s face as we wait for the punchline we all see coming. And when it does, damnit, Joe Lo Truglio sells it like he hears all of us. It also helps that this is the cold opening that many of the cast and crew call their favorite.

41. The Road Trip
Season 2, Episode 9

Oh, Jake and Amy. So in love. So blind to their love. In this episode, Jake focuses on Amy’s well being by inviting Sophia and the ever boring pilsner loving Teddy on a bed and breakfast work trip that he’s on with Amy. Unbeknownst to Jake though Amy was planning on dumping Teddy, unveiling untold secrets between the foursome. Namely, that Amy and Jake are totally into each other, much to Sophia (and Jake’s) surprise. It’s all about the moment that Jake discovers that Amy liked him, and the way Samberg plays it, leaning into his puppy dog affection. But the horror lover in me can’t get over Jake and Sophia’s room is filled with the creepiest of creepy dolls this side of Stephen King’s The Tommyknockers.

40. Debbie
Season 7, Episode 5

I really didn’t expect the Debbie Fogle (Vanessa Bayer) saga would end with her doing a bunch of blow, manning a submachine gun, and taking both Jake and Rosa hostage, but hey! This is a whole new season on a whole new network, and dammit I love the big swings that are being taken here. I only hope that this won’t be the last we see of Vanessa Bayer on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, because her unique brand of weird, quirky humor really gels perfectly with the rest of the ensemble.

39. The Big House: Part 1
Season 5, Episode 1

‘The Big House’ two-parter is a big turning point for the series, and for Jake. The things that he witnesses and experiences in Jail give him a completely new perspective on being a police officer. A perspective that activists and communities have been demanding that law enforcement understand and empathize with. Jail isn’t like the cartoons where you wear black and white stripes, growing grizzled behind bars, rapping a tin can between the steel beams. No y’all, prison reform is no joke and it’s astonishing that a sitcom about cops that was on Fox of all networks would take such a unique angle to this issue. But beyond the social conscience of the episode, it also has one of my fiancées and I’s favorite guest stars in Tim Meadows as Jakes prison BFF Caleb. Is he a former cop who is also in protective incarceration like Jake? Nope! He’s a child killing cannibal! It’s an exceedingly dark joke that just gets darker as you know the extent Caleb went to eat his victims. We’re also introduced to the wonderful Lou Diamond Phillips as the kingpin of the holding pen Romero who demands street soups (or in non-prison terms, non-prison approved Instant Ramen). I can’t be the only person who Googled to find out if the illegal ramen trade within the prison system was real, right? Right?!

38. Thanksgiving
Season 1, Episode 10

As the kids, these days would say, in the first season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Jake Peralta is supremely extra. But his extraness as we learn is just a mask to cover a fractured childhood and any time we get these early glimpses into his backstory, they are heart-wrenching. In the classic tradition of holiday episodes, this is where the core emotional message lies. Holt helps Jake realize that what is special about growing up is being able to create your own traditions. And for Jake, that tradition is Thanksgiving with his new family: the squad.

37. Cop-Con
Season 4, Episode 17

Andy Daly of the criminally underrated Review is perfect here as the smiley, charming Jeffrey Bouché who Holt trusts only as far as he can throw him. Being the mastermind behind Holts ultimate humiliation he mostly plays in the shadows while the episode focuses on the squad trying to throw a massive party in the hotel for a big police conference in Buffalo, New York. But the episode just ingratiates ourselves even more with Holt as his biggest regret is that he wasn’t a part of the kegger that was thrown. After years of being shut out from the inner friendship circles for being an out police officer in the 70s, all he wants is to be a part of the team. And the Squad is better for it.

36. Hitchcock & Scully
Season 6, Episode 2

Season six saw our favorite clueless cops, Michael Hitchcock and Norm Scully, be promoted to series regulars. While the show is still figuring out how to best integrate them, we are getting more Hitchcock/Scully centric episodes starting with this peek into their younger, hotter days on the force. While the episode isn’t side splitting, and more serves as an opportunity to explain why the two cops are the way they are, by giving them a modicum of depth, it’ll set us up to not only appreciate them more in later episodes, but for the characters to actually have some emotional resonance with the audience. Still, the characters are the conduit for the show’s more weirdo humor, like in the episode’s climax when Hitchcock and Scully use WingSluts famously thick barbecue sauce as a bullet-proof shield. While I wish we had gotten a full episode featuring only the younger version of the duo, the creators do a fine job at showing what a cocaine 80s version of Brooklyn Nine-Nine would look like and I gotta say: gimme more.

35. Halloween II
Season 2, Episode 4

I could have an entire list just focusing on what makes each individual Halloween episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine so good because despite having them all at different spots on this list, that shouldn’t take away from how good each Halloween, and holiday, episode is. Halloween II is great because we really begin to understand Holt’s aggressive competitiveness (that I feel is the first kernel to tackling his addiction issues later in the series), has begun to plot his revenge moments after the last years bet. But personally, I love this episode because of Holt’s delivery of one line. While distracting Jake during the midst of the night, a masked party bus drunk yells out “HAPPY HALLOWEEN!” in Jake’s face, but in Holt’s way of masking his own robotic voice he pronounces it “HALLERWEEN!”. And I find it sidesplitting. Every. Single. Time.

34. Admiral Peralta
Season 7, Episode 10

From Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman to Fernwood 2 Night, Martin Mull is kind of royalty when it comes to esoteric sitcoms. And while Nine-Nine doesn’t come close to the absurdism of the former shows, he still is a strong addition to the show’s larger recurring ensemble as Jake’s grandfather. While it may not have the heartiest laughs, I do appreciate that the episode focuses on different generations of men trying to work through complex emotions around fatherhood shows that the series is still committed to deconstructing toxic masculine tropes. The episode’s best joke though, perhaps as a setup for the reveal of baby Peralta’s forename, comes from the parenting book Jake uses to work through his family’s “father-son curse”: Cry Hard with a Vengeance, 40 stories of brave parenting from Bruce Willis.

33. Christmas
Season 1, Episode 11

I’m always impressed when a series knows its characters so well, down to minor lines that can be used to fuel a character trait in a fifth season episode. At the beginning of CHRISTMAS, Amy asks if Jake was happy because he got an egg sandwich that fell on the floor for free. “What? Can you do that? Why doesn’t everyone just drop their sandwiches on the floor?” A dejected Amy was looking for a sick burn but just gave Jake, in his words, an amazing life hack. Now if we flash forward to season five when Jake meets his half-sister played by Nina Pedrad, she says she has great “life hacks” like putting glass in her food to get it for free. This is the con artist trait that all Peralta’s have thanks to their shared affable fuck up father Bradley Whitfield.

As for the rest of the episode, with Jake being Holts personal security detail after getting a death threat, is a great early example of how against the grain Holt will go to do his job, even if that means putting Jake in charge of his safety just so he could still get his job done. But in classic Jake fashion, the power goes to his head, and he finds himself handcuffed to the Captain. And what’s better than two people in a chained heat? THREE!

After Holt calls in Boyle to free him, in a fluster, Boyle cuffs himself to Holt. As an added bonus we get a young Holt flashback with his trademark “Punk!” catchphrase and an impeccably named swimming serial murderer: The Freestyle Killer. Double bonus, I think the moment Holt pop and locks with Jake in the hospital after Boyle gets shot in the butt to be extremely sweet. Andre Braugher plays it so earnestly that you can feel this connection to his squad deepen in such a simple, and funny, way. It’s a real moment, something Brooklyn Nine-Nine continues to have over the next five seasons.

32. Old School
Season 1, Episode 8

The type of cop that Stacy Keach is in ‘Old School’ is the type of cop that Brooklyn Nine-Nine is actively trying to lampoon or avoid becoming, which is why it was such a strong episode early in the shows run. Keach plays Jimmy Brogan, a crime writer who wrote the only book Jake has ever read, a gritty expose of the life of cops in New York City. But Peralta realizes that there is nothing cool about being this type of regressive old school, especially when it comes to the misogyny, homophobia, and racism that still affects law enforcement to this day. It’s a prime example of how the show, through Jake, attempts to dismantle the hero worship of the toxic masculine stereotype that all men have to wade through.

31. Stakeout
Season 2, Episode 11

The friendship between Jake and Charles is unbreakable. That is until they have to spend every waking moment together! Positive masculinity is the main emotional focus of this episode where Boyle and Peralta are on an eight-day stakeout together, confined to one tiny little warehouse apartment. Their eccentricities get on each other’s nerves to the point they make a “No-No List” which just exacerbates the situation. After blowing their cover, and ultimately saving each other’s lives, the partners forgive each other and learn that it was just because of their situation that their tempers flared. It sounds simple, but after years of ingrained societal conditioning, men literally need to be taught how to forgive without lashing out or retreating into their egos.

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