Every Episode Of ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’ Ranked

70. Coral Palms: Part 2
Season 4, Episode 2

In the second episode of this Coral Palms mini-movie, the focus is racked back to the squad in Brooklyn and their new captain Jason Stentley, played by Ken Marino. C.J., as he insists on being called, has stumbled his way into his job and is really in over his head. To get around his responsibilities, he just gives the squad basically anything they ask for. Of course, Amy shoots everyone in the foot by wanting to do the right thing and demanding that CJ take his job more seriously and act like a captain. This of course just coincides with Holt and Jake needing the squad’s help, wherein CJ finally flexes his power and denies them all. Ken Marino is a treasure, but as much as CJ doesn’t know what he’s doing, the character feels just as unclear. He’s a de facto device that acts as a barrier, forcing conflict in the third and final part of Coral Palms. Luckily though the episode is balanced by a wonderful cameo from Schurian actor Jim O’Heir (Parks and Recreation) as the local Sheriff who becomes a prickly (and homophobic) thorn in Holt and Jakes sides. We also finally get Eric Roberts laying it on thick, kidnapping Maya Rudolph and making his presence known in Florida. Fun fact: Eric Roberts currently has 61 credits in production, and I’m sure by next month that number will double. Hats off to you sir!

69. Serve and Protect
Season 4, Episode 14

Sometimes all a Brooklyn Nine-Nine episode needs is a stellar guest star to elevate an otherwise even keel episode. And while ‘Serve and Protect’ is business as usual with the squad as they prepare to get audited by Terry’s grudge-holding ex-girlfriend, it’s Nathan Fillion‘s cameo as the star of a Castle-esque cop procedural that Rosa and Jake are working a case on that cements the episode into memory. Not many actors can successfully parody themselves without sacrificing their own truths, but even as Fillion lampoons the role that paid for many a passion project, god love him he’s just so good. Like good enough to make you reconsider all eight seasons of Castle.

68. Safe House
Season 5, Episode 12

Season Five baddie Seamus Murphy has put all of the lives of Captain Holt’s loved ones in danger, namely his husband Kevin. So what is a scared partner to do? Isolate Kevin and Jake together in a safe house with such a stranglehold over their safety that it begins to squeeze the life out of their relationship. But, if I’m being honest, what makes this is Jake’s influence on Kevin, like teaching him new slang like ‘clapping back’ and attempting to introduce him to the illustrious filmography of Nicolas Cage. What would have Kevin thought of Panos Cosmatos’ Mandy? Personally, I believe he would say that he didn’t like it, but secretly love it, and then insist to Raymond that they watch it together. To be a fly on the wall during that screening!

67. The Bet
Season 1, Episode 13

Whoever gets the most arrests within their set time period is the bet that Jake and Amy took together. If Jake wins, Amy goes on a date with him. If Amy wins, she owns his car (and will most likely destroy it). This is arguably the overarching plot of the early episodes of the first season, utilized as a way to lay the groundwork for their flirty relationship. But it’s in this episode, aptly titled ‘The Bet’, where Jake first falls for Amy. As they sit on an abandoned roof, staking out a suspect, Jake and Amy talk and attempt to catch peanuts in their mouths. It’s this moment, as confirmed in a season five episode, that his crush began to develop into love. It’s a cute, quiet moment and the perfect example of what affection looks like on this show. It’s also just straight up adorable.

66. The Vulture
Season 1, Episode 5

I gained one hell of an appreciation of Dean Winters as I was ranked every episode of 30 Rock, where he plays Liz Lemon’s ex-boyfriend and Beeper King Dennis Duffy. He’s really carved a niche for himself playing characters with gruff exteriors who are just complete dummies beneath the surface, and Major Crimes detective Keith Pembroke, or as he’s known around the squad, The Vulture, is no different. A recurring character making his debut, The Vulture is a fun foil for the Nine-Nine, as he swoops in at the last minute of the squad’s big cases to take all the credit. He’s the type of guy who unironically loves Nickelback and thinks Times Square is the real New York, or otherwise the worst. And while Detective Pembroke has better appearances as the seasons go on, it’s the B plot surrounding Terry’s slow return to the field that I find most compelling. It’s an early example of the show purposefully subverting the Unfeeling Man stereotype of cop procedurals while also discussing the emotional ramifications of being a police officer. These are the story lines we need more of in our cop shows, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine has been brave enough to make it a trademark of the show since the very beginning.

65. Sal’s Pizza
Season 1, Episode 9

Like Boyle, I take my pizza very seriously. And while I may not carry around a spit bucket with me to taste test the city’s varied slices, I’ll be the first to say it does make sense. You would lose your palate and fill up by the third slice! How will I ever be able to describe the minute differences between Paulie Gee’s and Emilys! But I digress, this episode does solidify Boyle’s passion for the culinary arts while also being a great turn by Patton Oswalt as the sensitive Fire Marshall Boone.

64. The Takeback
Season 7, Episode 8

This episode features three distinct narrative threads. But while Terry building Holt’s confidence is more memorable that Scully and Hitchcock scheming for a new vending machine, both are trumped by the return of Nicole Bayer’s Trudy Judy, the unlawful sis of the infamous Pontiac Bandit, Doug Judy. In this episode, Jake discovers that Doug Judy is getting married, and while he’s hurt that he wasn’t invited, he is pumped to join him for his bachelor party in Miami. What he’s not so pumped about? Having to go undercover so as to not spook Judy’s criminal friends. But just like cops always be coppin’, criminals always be criminallin’ and Jake and Judy have to pull off a reverse heist to return millions in stolen diamonds. As the show pushes Judy further away from his criminal past, I wonder if there’s the chance he will become more of a regular character. Like Jason Mantzoukas’ Adrian Pimento, Craig Robinson has such natural chemistry on the show that you can’t help but want to see more of him. And with his wedding episode in the show’s future, I can only hope they can find a way to bring him more into the fold.

63. Honeymoon
Season 6, Episode 1

After not getting his big promotion to Major, Captain Holt goes AWOL only to be discovered by Jake and Amy on their honeymoon in Mexico where hijinks ensue.This was the first episode after Brooklyn Nine-NIne’s transition to NBC and, much like the entire season, has a few growing pains as the show tries to figure out its identity on a new network. Not to say that the show is moving into unexpected directions, but as the show gets older, the characters have to as well, which just brings a wealth of new narrative possibilities, for better or worse. But this is still a Brooklyn Nine-Nine season premiere and there are some absolute classic moments from Amy Santiago’s perfect delivery of “This B needs a C in her A!” to Raymond Holt’s now semi-iconic vacation shirts like, “DTF: Down To Fiesta” and my personal favorite, a pineapple wearing a thong that reads:“Slut”. These are the kinds of jokes that make me so grateful the show was saved.

62. The Mattress
Season 3, Episode 7

Jake does lots of growing up in this episode, which makes it key in the series’ emotional arc. We also get to see Holt’s dedicated love for his car Gertie, the amazing reason why he loves Gertie, and his ability to understand where and why he was wrong and be the better man for it. I only hope that young boys are watching this show as I watched NBC’s Must See TV in the mid-90s and can recognize themselves in these characters. Or want to be like them as I kinda, sorta wanted to be like Frasier and Niles Crane. I mean, c’mon! Who wouldn’t want that INSANE Seattle apartment, taste for tile backsplashes, and their acerbic high-class wit!?

61. Lockdown
Season 2, Episode 7

Brooklyn Nine-Nine continues their success with holiday episodes with this bottle Thanksgiving storyline. After being left in charge of the precinct for the final 12 hour shift before the holiday, Jake and Boyle find a strange package filled with a white powder and the precinct is put on lockdown. Is it anthrax? Or just a bunch of powdered sugar? The lockdown quickly spirals out of control thanks to notable character actor Jeff Lewis playing a disgruntled rabble rouser but thankfully Jake realizes that the best leaders know when they are in over their heads and need to ask for help.

60. Fancy Brudgom
Season 1, Episode 20

As someone who is currently getting married, I have an affinity for the ridiculousness of ‘Fancy Brudgom’. While I may not ever get a subscription to the titular magazine, it is the perfect showcase of the type of man that Charles Boyle is. While it is goofy and a wee bit extra, it’s still refined and filled with a kitschy class that defines the man who makes sure to add mouthfeel categories to his pizza blogs. But it’s actually the B plot involving Terry, Amy, and Gina that I find so hilariously relatable. Who hasn’t licked an individually wrapped piece of dried fruit to get the last remaining morsels while attempting a diet?!

59. The Swedes
Season 3, Episode 9

Two good cameos in Riki Lindhome and Anders Holm! Plus we see Jake actually make a positive effect on Rosa, eschewing the idea that men don’t want to be forthcoming with their emotions as relationships grow. Jake and Rosa are never the same after this episode, and that’s a really powerful thing.

58. Windbreaker City
Season 2, Episode 15

If you ever need a great foil for just about anyone, you can’t go wrong with Nick Kroll. Here he plays an asshole agent for the Department of Homeland Security in charge of a training scenario that Jake and the squad disrupt after being diminished to playing just the victims. They decide to fight back and prove a point about the polices integrity, just to get John McClane’d by Kroll’s Agent Kendrick. What I think works the most about this episode is giving Jake a positive outlet for his depression involving his breakup with Sophia (Eva Longoria). The best way to beat the blues isn’t to throw yourself into another relationship or mope, but rather focus on yourself and your work, reminding yourself what made you such a catch in the first place! It’s a small, but important teachable moment for Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

57. Boyle’s Hunch
Season 3, Episode 3

We love Charles Boyle because of his eccentricities, and that extends to his love life. From Kathryn Hahn to Marilu Henner, Charles Boyle seems to have the most wildly different types imaginable, and in “Boyles Hunch” they now include convicted art thief Genevieve (Mary Lynn Rajskub). Might I add, in Boyle fashion, this convict also shares his affinity for takoyaki (which is delicious, despite sounding like an octopus oddity). It’s a classic Boyle conundrum, that only gets funnier when you add in James Urbaniak to the mix as Genevieve’s angry ex-lover and gallery artist Nick Lingeman. The episode is also a rare one that touches on the real public image of police officers through Holt’s new ad campaign for the force. If only we could install a Gina Linetti in every police precinct across the nation!

56. Halloween IV
Season 4, Episode 5

While it may feel like a bit of a cop-out (Eyyyy, get it?) that title of “Amazing Detective Slash Genius” continues to have additional qualifiers added to it, it’s utterly endearing that in the fourth Halloween more of the squad gets to join in on the fun, which is a plot point key to HalloVeen. These holiday episodes are ever so endearing, and as the show gets a little less Gina in the following season, it’s so good to have her be the victor in Halloween IV.

55. Trying
Season 7, Episode 6

When characters in lighthearted sitcoms like Brooklyn Nine-Nine have a baby, you never see them struggling to conceive, which is what makes this episode so unique. But it’s also what makes it so melancholic. You hate seeing two characters you’ve grown to love having to deal with the hard realities of getting pregnant, despite how refreshing it is to see in a network sitcom. And what’s even better is that it can constructively explore these things without veering into the “Very Special Episode” territory filled with schmaltz and happy endings. Nine-Nine even doubles down and opts for a disappointing ending. As they have all but given up trying, they decide in a last ditch effort to conceive as if they were Michael Hitchcock. That means getting wasted and weird in the back alley of their local bar, Shaw’s. Because sitcoms typically look through rose colored glasses, we expect this to work for them! But in the episodes button when it doesn’t, we’re left deflated. It’s a refreshing, but somber, tone.

54. Sicko
Season 6, Episode 17

God love ya, Tim Meadows. If the cosmos (and by cosmos, I do mean NBC Executives) are listening: please give Cannibal Caleb his own spin off series. Or web series. Or a holiday special. I don’t care, I just want more Tim Meadows content. In this episode, Caleb plays the Hannibal Lecter to Jake Peralta’s Clarice Starling (or Will Graham, for all you Fannibals out there) as they get his expertise as a “sicko” to track down an alleged serial killer. Layered into this episode is the beginning of the end to the season’s Commissioner Kelly arc as the squad discover that he has a “Dark Knight machine”, which is just Jake-slang for illegal wiretapping. These moments allow the squad, and the show, to take a stance against crooked cops by showing that Holt is willing to lose everything to stand up for what is right by the law, even if it destroys his career. All that being said, I just really love Tim Meadows and his insatiable need to try and take a razor sharp bite out of whoever gets too close to him. Sure it’s the same joke as season five, but I don’t care! It keeps getting funnier every time I see it!

53. The Oolong Slayer
Season 3, Episode 4

Brooklyn Nine-Nine KILLS IT when it comes to naming serial killers, like The Oolong Slayer or The Disco Strangler. This episode is filled with hit jokes like The Vulture’s ultimate birthday, planned by Amy and Rosa, devolving into just being his band playing his own party in classic Vulture style. We also end the arc of episodes of Holt being sequestered from the squad, righting the scales of the show as he returns to the Nine-Nine. But it’s Gina magical reappearance that is the cherry on top of the episode, “Was I ever really gone?”

52. The Jimmy Jab Games
Season 2, Episode 3

One thing I love about summer camp films is their inevitable climax: a gigantic color war between cabins (or even the camp across the lake!) filled with obstacle courses, fierce competition, and typically high stakes. And that is exactly what The Jimmy Jab Games are. The obstacle course is the precinct filled with inane tasks like trying to print out a report from a decade’s old laptop, the fierce competition is between will-they-or-won’t-they power couple Jake and Amy, and the stakes? Well, Jake for one will get the phone number for Rosa’s foxy friend, but the real stakes are Jakes feelings for Amy and the fact that they haven’t gone away. This is a perfect example of Brooklyn Nine-Nine being best at what it does. Crafting an extremely fun and funny 22 minutes that expand on our understanding of the characters while surrounding itself with uniqueness. The biggest question though? How many police department’s across the country now hold their own Jimmy Jab Games?

51. Monster in the Closet
Season 4, Episode 6

While the ‘Monster in the Closet’ itself may not hold up as one of the Nine-Nine’s best episodes, the sum of its parts is so good it rises through the list. But if I’m being completely honest, why I find this episode so funny is simply in Captain Holt’s unadulterated love and appreciation for one of event planning’s most elegant features: balloon arches. This is punctuated by the end stinger when Rosa discovers that Holt has been secretly constructing a giant balloon arch in his office, which Rosa deems glorious. The realization over her impression sends a guttural roar through his body, fist clenched towards the sky: “VINDICATION!”

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